Courage
by chuntistar08
Summary: Every teenage girl is insecure, even at Degrassi. Every girl tries to lose weight or go on a diet at some point, but what happens when a fellow Degrassian takes it too far. One Shot.


**I have always wanted to do this type of story, but couldn't chose what character. Katie was perfect since she suffered from Bulimia already, and she can totally take things to the extreme, like soccer. Enjoy ! :)**

How could life be so unfair to have treated me with a body that is covered with fat on every square inch. With my bod,y it seems that my college application should be filled out to a Plus Size Model Agancy. As I ease my eyes on my reflaction on the mirror, all I can see is extra skin hanging lose where it shoudldn't be. I slowly trace my hands down my stomach and start rubbing it in a small circular form. I can feel all the extra fat that is stored there. I inch my legs together, scared of how the mirror will show them. I take my eyes off the ground and look up at the mirror with fright building up inside me. I don't want to see how the reflection is but I know I have to face it. I gasp as soon as my eyes see my legs. Emotions full of disappointment and anger start to build within me. The gap I wish was there doesn't have an apperance. I stare at my legs and feel a salty tear roll down my cheeck. I had so much hope in me that a gap would start forming inbetween my legs by now. Despite the gap not being in between my legs, I still had hope that my stomach would be flatter. My eyes bounce back to the ground as I start moving my body towards a right angle. My legs are shaking nervously and my arms are getting goosebumps. I take a deep breath and look forward. I close my eyes as I inhale a deep breath. I picture my stomach slightly flatter than it was a week ago and slowly start to exhale. I calmly begin to open my eyes and spin my head towards the mirror. I look at my stomach and a warm feeling starts growing in me. I grin appears on my face and the tears in my eyes start to dry up. Euphoria soon starts to out win any negative emotion and I feel my whole body shaking in happiness. I don't feel like a complete failure and just pose at the mirror. I know the scale should show a more little number and I ecstaticaly walk towards the scale, giggling like a idiot. I put of my feet on the scale and let all my body weigh to my legs. I start breathing heavily as I notice the numbers. I glanced at the scale in disbelief as it read 112. I was 116 last week so that means I lost 3 pounds. I step of the scale and start juming up and down. I squeal and cover my mouth with my hands. I wish that moments had lasted longer when it hit me. Angriness filled every vein in my body as I realised I could have gone to 110 if I had worked extra harder. I can't believe I fed my stomach extra calories and not enough exercise. Chills ran down my back in anger. I feel this sudden urge running through every vein in my body. Desperation for exercise starts growing from my fatty legs and through my arms. I know I have no choice. I kneel down to grab and small cloth from the ground to wipe my sweat off when I workout, and start heading out the gym door.

My legs are paced at 10 miles per hour. Sweat runs down my face as I swing my arms from side to side and push my legs against the track. I can feel my face all hot and probably red but that's the least of my worries right now. I need to lose those 2 pounds ugly pounds of lard that I could have lost if I had got up my lazy ass and shut my mouth. I quickly try to remember how long I've been running. I had been runing 30 minutes, enought to burn 800-1,200 calories. A pound was 3,600 calories. I pushed harder against the track and moved my legs faster. I brought my arms lower and began to swing them faster in order to boost my speed up at least by thirthy seconds. I heared Marisol and Bianca's voice escape their mouths and getting closer towards the track. They paused their conversation and I could feel their eyes on me. I knew they were going to start talking bad about my body and how I finally came to my senses in running. My blood began to boil and I wanted to prove them wrong. I needed to show them that I, _Katie Matlin,_ would lose weight and could get off my student council lazy ass and run. I didn't care if they saw me running, or made fun of me for trying to lose weight. I needed to shed those extra pounds off and ignore them. All I can hear is the wind against my ears and a hard breeze slapping my face. My heart starts beating faster against my body so does my pulse. I began speeding up once more and pushed my self to the limit. I knew it wasn't enough and pushed harder. My vision soon began to blur. I hadn't ate in 3 days and the days before all I had ate was half of my salad for lunch. That energy from my food began to escape my body. I felt my head slightly spinning in circles but decided to keep on going and keep pushing. My vision blured even more and my surroundings now looked pixelated. My eyes began to start closing but I forced them to stay open. I felt dehydrated and desperate for water. My body began begging for water. I couldn't stop now, I was so close to finishing my fifth mile. I promised I would make a quick stop for water once I finished this mile, I just had to keep on pushing. I try to push harder but became slower. I felt myself being brought to now a jog and knew I had to push harder and run faster. The faster I ran, the faster I could get water and the more calories I burned. I was probably one fourth a mile away from my goal when my head got hit with a massive headache. I let out a moan in pain and felt my body weakining down. My legs started shaking weakily and I dropped my arms. I had no energy in me and it was getting harder for me to breathe. I couldn't push myself anymore, I had to stop. I finally got my legs to come to a hault, but it wasn't enough. I desperately took three breaths and started to feel like I was in the clouds. I was forcing myself to stay up but my body wasn't corresponding with me. I couldn't take it any longer and let my body take control. My eyes began to shut and my body began falling towards the ground. My body hit the ground and my breathing increased. I needed help, I felt desperate for help. I tried to let a scream for Bianca and Marisol, but I didn't have enough of air in my lungs. I let out moans and breaths in pain. i was very weak, too weak that I couldn't do anything anymore. The last thing I could I pick up was hearing footsteps pound against the ground yelling _Katie_ in female voices. After, my world blacked out.

I felt my body lay on top on of a cushion like surface. I reached my hand out just to make sure I was laying down on a bed. I was sure I was laying on one when I pressed down on the mattress. I carefully started opening my eyes and saw three pairs of worried eyes starring into mine. I looked at them confused for second, not having a single idea where I was and why I was. Millions of question raced through my head only to be inturrupted when a huge headache hit me. That's when I remembered, the weight scale, the running, the _starving_.

"Katie, Katikinz, are you okay ?' Marisol asked in a worried voice. The expressions was easy to read and I could tell she was stressed.

I didn't answer. I knew I wasn't okay. I needed to help, but I couldn't. I was fat, I needed to get slim. Me needing help was just an excuse to start eating again. I just wanted to chicken out and have some food without feeling guilty. I couldn't though, I put all that hard work. All those times I could've ate all those meals just so they can get ruined.

"Katie, what's happening ?" Bianca asked panicking. Was Bianca worried as well ?

I pushed my body up and sat on bum. My legs where hanging losely and my back was curved.

"Nothing is wrong, I'm fine. I forgot to drink some water before I started running. I probably just got dehydrated that's all." I lied. I couldn't let myself down. I was so close to reaching 110 I just couldn't give up now. If I eat, all the weight I lost will be gained back faster. I would gain even more. I don't want to look twice as fat and ugly as I already do.

"Katie you look sick ! You are pale and it looks like you haven't eaten." When Marisol said those words, I felt a wave of anger pass through me. Like I didn't know Mare. She was jealous that soon, my body couldn't even be compared to hers. She always wanted to be the hot one so It was obvious she didn't want me to look better than her.

"Of course I've eaten ! Look at how fat I am." Those words came out of my mouth loudly and clear as I picked very little skins of my stomach.

"We haven't seen you at lunch for a couple of days. Bianca said she has seen you at the gym working out. Last time I saw you eating lunch, it was a salad. You didn't even finish it." Marisol argued back. I wasn't giving up just yet.

"Bianca would say something like that. She's the school's _slut_ for crying out loud. I wasn't hungry that's why I didn't finish eating it." I yelled in her face. I knew all that came out my mouth by now where lies. Bianca wasn't a slut anymore, she had changed. I didn't finish the salad because I wasn't hungry. In fact, my body was begging for it, but my head kept repeating the words fat.

"Katie calm down. You need to get help. You are skin and bones. We don't want to lose you." Bianca voice touched me. I looked up to meet her eyes full of lust. She had tears running down her flawless skin and her nose was cherry red.

I couldn't help it anymore. I felt so torn inside me. I wanted to get help, be able to eat again and not have to worry how many calories I was eating. I wanted to be able to laugh again, but I couldn't. The other side of me told me I was a fat ass and I was making excuses. I didn't know what side to chose. I couldn't keep living a series of lies, but neither could I keep on living with insecurities. All these options raced through me and it was driving me insane. All these emotions just kept building up until I snapped. Tears gushed out of my eyes and I covered my face with my pale cold hands. If I didn't stop, I was going to end up worse. I was going to end up in the hospital attached to tubs. If I did eat, I would go back to my purging ways. I'm recovering Bulimia so I can still easily start again, and I don't want to. I couldn't help but break down even more. I was such a mess. I felt a hand touch my back. I felt it rub my back bone and realised that it was noticable.

"Katie please, just tell us everything." Bianca begged. I guess this was the end of it. The end for all that exercise and weighing myself. I was going to give up, and I knew I would feel like a failure. I was only doing what was right. I inhale deeply and bit my lip carefully. I opened my mouth to talk, and began. I guess it would have happened sooner or later, it just happened sooner than what I expected.

**So it wasn't as good as planned. I have had a similar experience so it could have been more detailed but eh whatever. Review please (:**


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